Kids today are so spoiled! Alfie Kohn says politicians, academics, and the media spend a lot of time instilling in parents the fear that they're ruining their children with too much love.
But, Kohn says wait a minute! Instead of assuming we're spoiling kids who don't show grit, motivation, and a competitive spirit, maybe we should instead question those values we hold dear.
Competition teaches kids that if they're not the winner, they're losers, no matter how accomplished. Even when many can do something well, we encourage kids to think of success as a scarce commodity. Think about the annual fight for the highest class rank-prized by colleges-pitting each kid against the other to achieve the highest rank in a field where miniscule percentages separate the top 20-30 kids.
Failure helps kids deal with the horrors that await them as adults. Maybe, but Kohn says if you believe failure is useful preparation for life, you teach kids to value deprivation and become suspicious about the value of anything they enjoy. Telling your student they need to take AP Physics instead of Intro to Psychology to teach them perseverance in the face of difficulty, is getting it wrong. And, rejection, bullying, and pain are hard to take at any age, none the easier when younger or more preparatory for future pain.
Kids should earn rewards. Why does every kid need a trophy? Kohn agrees that rewards aren't good- but not for the reasons you may think. Rewards teach kids that approval is conditional and to gain that approval, they spend more time trying to win favor than nurturing their own creative spirit.
Here's the dilemma. The more I look at our education system, the more I question what we mean when we say it's working or it's not working. Ultimately, it's set up to produce herds of winners and losers. Some kids are going to get good grades and be rewarded perhaps, over the course of a lifetime for their excellence. Others, will not. We can talk about Race To the Top but by definition, some children will be behind other children.
Education systems that run differently producer overall better results. Finland is often held up to the world as a model of teaching and learning. But one of the differences is that Finland's system really does place a greater emphasis on everybody's well-being.
So, how do we do that without leaching the intestinal fortitude out of a generation of kids. Our guest, Alfie Kohn, has some ideas.
Leave your comments below, email us at colin@wnpr.org or tweet us @wnprcolin.
GUESTS:
- Alfie Kohn writes and lectures about human behavior, education, and parenting. He's the author of 13 books including "The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom About Children and Parenting.” His website is alfiekohn.org
- Luke Reynolds is a 7th grade public school English teacher in Harvard, MA and the author of “A Call To Creativity.” He’s also edited several books including “Imagine it Better: Visions of What School Might Be”
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